Moving across the world is a thrilling yet daunting experience, filled with uncertainty, self-doubt, and unexpected challenges. This personal story explores the emotional journey of embracing the unknown, navigating cultural shifts, and discovering resilience while adapting to life in Dubai.
Embracing the unknown is easier said than done. While many people may wonder about it, not many actually load up all their belongings and schlep their entire family across the globe as my husband and I did seven years ago. After the oldest of our four daughters graduated from high school, we packed up and moved with our other three daughters from San Diego to Dubai, United Arab Emirates (UAE). Though we meticulously planned, researched, and prepared for this new chapter in our lives, nothing could have truly prepared me for the internal turbulence I would experience after relocating to Dubai. As someone always curious about people, culture, relationships, and emotions, this experience unexpectedly torpedoed me into a cacophony of difficult emotions— stress, shame, excitement, debilitating self-doubt, loneliness, fear, and uncertainty—while also demonstrating the powerful importance of resilience, staying open, and nurturing an unyielding curiosity, especially when overwhelmed by the unfamiliar and the unsettling.
The Reality of “Difficult”
While I anticipated that the move would be “difficult,” I didn’t understand exactly what “difficult” would look like or how it would feel while experiencing it. Reality struck hard and fast upon arrival when we were greeted with the suffocating heat of summer. The relentless, oven-like temperatures were beyond anything I had ever experienced, making even the walk to the car unbearable and made me want to fly back home and scrap the whole idea.
Unrelenting traffic that felt like a never-ending, incessant parking lot, coupled with navigating the completely counterintuitive roads in Dubai, was another beast entirely. The seemingly illogical traffic patterns, endless U-turns, and chaotic roundabouts left me feeling like I was in a never-ending labyrinth of confusion. Despite my best efforts, the initial weeks and months were a mix of complete disorientation and frustration.
Adjusting to cultural norms was another significant change. Expectations for clothing were vastly different from what I was used to in the States. Modesty is highly valued, and covering shoulders and legs is expected. Additionally, profanity—even when said as a joke—is not only frowned upon but can carry hefty criminal charges when said to the wrong person. These cultural differences added to the sense of confusion and required a conscious effort to adapt.
Finding Our Place
We chose a traditional Emirati neighborhood far removed from the Westernized enclaves of Dubai. I looked forward to the immersion aspect of integrating into the local culture, but the reality of daily life in this neighborhood proved challenging. The limited variety at small grocery stores, the bustling markets, and the unfamiliar surroundings of large compound style homes barricaded by massive walls felt like inaccessible fortresses that often left me yearning for the comfort of the familiar.
Our daughters’ school added another layer of complexity. The intense and competitive environment of their private International Baccalaureate school with daily lessons in Arabic and German was a far cry from the small project-based charter school we left in San Diego. Hyper-involved and extremely wealthy parents, a rigorous curriculum, and intensely high expectations created a cascade of seemingly unattainable demands that felt nearly impossible to manage.
Embracing the Unknown of Internal Conflict
Amidst all these external challenges, the most profound struggle was my internal conflict. Every day brought new hurdles, and my mental state oscillated wildly between excitement and crippling self-doubt. Some days, I felt a rush of happiness and gratitude for the adventure we had embarked on, savoring the new and different experiences. But on other days, I found myself paralyzed with insecurity about our decision, feeling a deep sense of loneliness, disorientation, and self-doubt.
When I wasn’t occupied with my numerous daily responsibilities—such as procuring groceries, preparing meals, commuting, managing children’s schedules, assisting with homework, performing cleaning duties, and other household tasks—I found sufficient time for reflection. During these moments, I often felt unmoored, lacking any meaningful connection with others, and grappling with questions about my purpose in this new environment.
Connecting with others proved difficult. I felt isolated and unable to relate to people who seemed to have it all together—those who came from extremely international backgrounds, spoke multiple languages, and had a wealth of resources. Well-intentioned comments like “You need to join a group” or “Have you considered therapy?” only deepened my sense of isolation which, in turn, created a reluctance to form new friendships and ultimately hindered my happiness and growth.
Navigating Purpose and Self-Doubt
I found myself constantly wrestling with the question of what I was here for and what my purpose was. On the one hand, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the opportunity to explore my interests and passions. On the other hand, the lack of direction was confusing and bewildering. Initially, I was keen on mastering Arabic, only to realize that English was the universal language here, given that 90% of the population is expat. I explored various options like teaching English as a Second Language, learning Urdu, finding a church, taking classes on Islamic Studies, and more. But often, I found myself floundering and just trying to fill the void. I kept waiting to turn the “proverbial corner” and magically feel at home and at peace in my new life in Dubai. The sense that the process of adjusting was long, arduous, non-linear and seemed to be headed nowhere often felt paralyzing and terrifying.
Reflections on Resilience, Openness, and Curiosity
Fast forward seven years later—two of them back in San Diego and then relocating again to Dubai—I’ve found myself reflecting on that first year and what helped me move through it. How was I able to go from feeling chronically lonely, fearful, insecure, and emotionally paralyzed to actively wanting to return to Dubai? I can narrow that answer down to three categories: resilience, openness, and curiosity.
The Importance of Resilience
Resilience is the ability to adapt and bounce back from adversity, challenges, and stress. It’s a crucial trait for navigating the ups and downs of life, especially when faced with significant changes like moving to a new country. Building resilience involves developing coping strategies, maintaining a positive outlook, and finding strength in the face of uncertainty. For me, these changes started to slowly take place by incrementally tackling them from every angle. In addition to journaling, I joined MeetUp groups, started a blog on my experiences, formed a support group, started volunteering, joined a master’s swim team, took long walks exploring every crevice of Dubai, learned to meditate and do yoga, took Arabic courses, and attended events and activities in and around Dubai. While often crippled by confusion, lack of direction, and depression, the competitor in me would emerge with laser focus and deep resolve to tackle whatever hurdle presented itself.
In Dubai, resilience has been my anchor, helping me stay grounded and focused, even when everything around me felt overwhelming. Reflecting on my journey, I realized that embracing vulnerability and stepping outside of my comfort zone was a key part of building resilience. Allowing myself to be vulnerable opened me up to genuine connections and self-discovery. Spending time with people who had vastly different experiences and upbringings from me helped me shift my mindset and grow immensely.
For example, one experience that contributed to my resilience was fasting during Ramadan. Not being Muslim or having grown up around Muslims, I had little to no understanding of what Ramadan was. (Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, and Muslims observe it all over the world as a roughly 30-day period of fasting with no food or water (sawm, one of the five pillars of Islam) from sunrise to sunset, or iftar, at which point they can break their fast. It’s a sacred period of reflection, worship, and self-improvement, as well as an important time for families and friends to come together.)
Initially, the idea of fasting (which is not expected of non-Muslims) seemed unnecessary and daunting. I argued with my husband that it was pointless, especially since we weren’t even Muslim. He explained that the purpose was to practice greater self-control and discipline, to gain a deeper appreciation for those who do not have the luxury of eating whenever they feel like it, and to empathize with the vast numbers of people who live with hunger on a daily basis. He explained that it was an opportunity to join in a unique communal, cultural, spiritual, and religious experience that we would not likely partake in if we were in the States.
Convinced, but unhappy, I seriously struggled with the routine. However, in time, I made peace with the sensations of hunger and the discomfort they brought. Acknowledging my hunger rather than resisting it helped me cope with cravings, and I began to feel more at ease. I also adapted to the routine by skipping the suhoor morning meal, which improved my sleep. This experience exemplified the power of resilience, as I learned to embrace discomfort and find strength in adapting to new challenges.
Staying Open and Curious
Another lesson learned from my move to Dubai was the necessity of staying open and curious. It’s easy to close off and retreat when faced with discomfort and confusion, and believe me, I did this on many occasions. However, I also found that doing so only exacerbated the challenges. I started to see how the ability to embrace the unfamiliar with a sense of curiosity allowed many new, interesting, unexpected, and positive experiences to unfold.
My reluctance to remain open and curious initially led to isolation and loneliness. This resistance led to stagnation, boredom, and dissatisfaction. The more I resisted the experience, the more stressed I became, making it even harder to adapt and cope with the challenges.
My gradual willingness to open up and be curious allowed me to embrace change and adapt to new surroundings more easily. This drove me to explore my new environment and connect with new people. Once I took these initial steps, curiosity fostered understanding and empathy, which helped me relate to others on a deeper level.
The more I approached challenges with openness and curiosity, the more I saw them as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles. This mindset shift led to a more positive mental state, keeping me engaged and motivated, even in difficult times.
As I navigated my new life in Dubai, I began to appreciate the unique cultural experiences around me. The call to prayer, which resonates five times a day, initially felt unsettling. However, over time, it became a remarkable reminder of the universal values of faith, love, goodness, kindness, and humanity.
In addition to the call to prayer, the UAE consistently promotes messages of respect, tolerance, kindness, connection, and wisdom. These messages, omnipresent on radio, television, and billboards, emphasize the harmony of over 200 nationalities living together. The consistency and clarity of these messages struck me and reinforced the importance of staying open and curious.
Fasting during Ramadan also created a stronger sense of connection to the wider Muslim community. It opened conversations with others about our shared experiences and challenges. At iftar gatherings, conversations about fasting brought us together, fostering a sense of understanding in a way that I never could have appreciated had I not chosen to do it as well. Indeed, the communal aspects of Ramadan, such as generosity, sacrifice, gratitude, and selflessness, deepened my appreciation for the Islamic cultural values.
Conclusion
Seven years since I initially arrived here, I am often shocked by how different my view of Dubai is now. My initial reactions feel almost completely foreign to me, although I am deeply aware that this is indeed how I felt during that first year. When I hit a low point (which I still do!), I remind myself that I am not experiencing a permanent state of being, but rather an opportunity to view the situation through an entirely new lens. Much like conflict with another person, internal conflict is about the ability to see things from different angles. This knowledge has been key in helping me navigate challenges and build my resilience. My move to Dubai has been a perpetual and intentional lesson in embracing the unknown, staying open, and nurturing curiosity, regardless of the labyrinthine roads and scorching heat. I’ve managed pretty well so far, so I’m confident I can handle whatever Dubai throws my way next!
What’s Your Experience?
Have you ever faced a major life transition that forced you to step outside your comfort zone? How did you navigate self-doubt and uncertainty? Share your thoughts, stories, or questions in the comments below!
